Saturday, April 03, 2021

Two years! 📏 ➡ 🏳️‍🌈 ➡ 🥚🔨 ➡ 🏳️‍⚧️

It's hard to believe - it's been two whole years since my egg cracked. April 3, 2019 was the day my life changed. That's when I went from "I'm just a cis guy who'd like to be more feminine" to "I'm definitely not 100% cis, maybe I'm genderfluid or non-binary". I still wasn't certain that I was trans, but I now knew it was a possibility. I began exploring, and within 3 months, I had:

  • Started HRT
  • Started laser hair removal
  • Come out on my blog, on Facebook, and at work
  • Legally changed my name
  • Updated my name and gender on my driver's license and birth certificate

I feel like I did things really fast, but I felt like I had to. Not because of any external pressure, but because the flood gates opened on my dysphoria once I recognized it. Once I realized how much better I felt being a woman, I just couldn't stand being perceived as a man anymore.

Once, I was at the grocery store after work. I was pushing my cart down the main aisle, going pretty quickly because I couldn't wait to get home and change into my femme clothes, and this kid ran in front of my cart, being chased by their mother. I was able to stop before I hit them, but the mother said "Watch out, that M̻̤͍̬̼̪̤̼̺͉͎̦̭ͭ̃̌ͥ͋̎̿̈́̓̋̈́ͯ̔A͓̭̲̯̦̘ͅǸ̟̙̗̬̹͚̣̩̬ͧ̓̈ͦ͆͂ͮ̓ almost ran you over." That... hurt. It felt like a personal attack. I couldn't blame her, of course. I got so distracted that I forgot to get something that I needed and had to go back the next day. Except this time, I brought my femme clothes, pocket bra, and clip-on earrings with me, and put them on in the car before I left work.

I don't regret doing everything so quickly. If anything, I regret not transitioning sooner. But the past is the past, and I can't change it.