Thursday, April 30, 2020

Ouch

I just did my first self-injection of estradiol valerate earlier! It went pretty well, even though I was extremely nervous and my hands were shaking. I recorded the process so I could review it - it took 22 seconds to actually stick the needle in. I'm sure it will get easier with time.

My doctor initially prescribed estriadiol cypionate, but it's not available as a generic, only under the brand name Depo-Estradiol. She changed it to estradiol valerate, which is generic and seems to be more common anyway. My insurance would cover the EV, but not completely. It was actually cheaper with GoodRX, with the caveat that it doesn't apply to my deductible. Yay, privatized healthcare.

On the subject of estradiol, I read an article about a clinical trial where doctors are going to try giving transdermal estradiol to cis men who test positive for COVID-19, because data shows that women are more likely to survive. I really hope this doesn't cause a shortage. There are already nutjobs making up stories about how this whole thing is a conspiracy to feminize men and turn them into "soy-boy cucks" or "simps" (or whatever their latest slur is for men who don't fall in line with what they think a man should be), with a good deal of racism thrown in for good measure. It's the kind of thing you laugh at until you realize they are 100% serious.

Friday, April 24, 2020

It's my E-nniversary!

Time goes by so fast. One year ago - April 24, 2019 - I took my first estradiol pill. So much has changed for me since I began HRT! My skin is smoother, I sweat a lot less, and of course - certain... features have started growing. Those little blue pills have done more to treat my depression than any of the antidepressants I've taken in the past!

I may not be taking them much longer, though - I'm going to try switching to intramuscular injections of estradiol valerate, which has less risk of being metabolized to estrone in the liver. Among the transfeminine people I've spoken to, it seems pretty common to switch to injections after a year. It's honestly kind of exciting!

I ended up starting HRT sooner than I had planned. I still wasn't 100% certain I wanted to transition. But I knew that if I was going to transition, the sooner I started, the better. The effects would not be immediate, and I could stop taking it if I didn't like it. In the end, I'm really glad I started when I did! Every day I delayed would have made it harder to be who I am inside.

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

It's been an interesting year

I began my transition nearly a year ago, on April 3rd, 2019. I'm posting this a bit early, because today, March 31st, is International Transgender Day of Visibility. I can't put into words how much happier I am now! This past year has been the best year of my life so far, despite the struggles of dealing with dysphoria and transphobia. My transition has gone realtively smoothly, and I realize it's not that easy for everyone. Sure, my family hasn't been super supportive, but they haven't disowned me, cut off contact, or attacked me. I'm lucky that I work for a company with a strong anti-discrimination policy. All of my friends have been extremely supportive.

Many people aren't so lucky, though. Every day, trans people are harrassed, bullied, evicted, fired, attacked, and even murdered — just because they are trans. Some trans people have to hide the fact that they are trans for their own safety. This is why we need a Trans Day of Visibility. It's easier to hate someone you don't know. It's getting better though, and as long as we continue to fight for our rights, it will continue to get better in the future.

So once again, thank you to all the people who have supported me this past year. I could not have done this alone!

Saturday, March 07, 2020

Texas Furry Fiesta 2020!

I had so much fun at TFF this year! TFF is special to me because it's where I met my wonderful dragon boyfriend Scrydan last year.

Monday, January 20, 2020

Am I actually Non-binary?

Lately, I've been thinking more about my internal gender identity. I feel like I don't really have one. There's nothing inside my mind that's telling me that I'm female, male, or anything else. Thinking about how I've felt about my gender in the past, I'm starting to warm to the idea that I'm actually Agender and always have been. I think the label "transfeminine agender" fits me, but I still want to call myself a trans woman based on my presentation. I'm not sure if I want to use the label "non-binary", though. It depends on the definition. My hesitance to use it feels like my hesitance about using "pansexual". It's mostly the worry that it doesn't fit me. I have an image of "non-binary" or "agender" as someone who is androgynous in appearance, even though there are people like Riley J Dennis who are non-binary but are very feminine and use she/her pronouns.

My hesitance might also be the concern that I do have an internal gender identity but just don't realize it. Does my desire to be female in every way possible mean that my internal identity really is female? Does my desire to have an internal sense outright telling me that I am female mean that my identity is female? Is that what an internal sense of gender is - a desire to be a specific gender?

Some things are clear, though. I am much happier with myself since transitioning. I love the name Katie. I love my full name, Jennifer Kathryn. I love when other people see me as a girl, and I love seeing myself as a girl! My only regret is not transitioning sooner.

I don't think I'm going to use the label "Non-binary", at least not right now. This is a topic that I re-visit once in a while, so things might change in the future. I have a ton of respect for non-binary people. There's a lot of hatred for them out there, even from some trans people, mostly due to misunderstanding what they are and what they're trying to accomplish.

So, shoutout to all the lovely enbies out there! Y'all are awesome!